Today I experienced my most emotional Pack in the Park yet. My biggest fear when hosting these things happened today. Part of what makes Pack in the Park successful is being able to do it in a public space where there are people, dogs (preferably leashed) and traffic. Most dogs need to have more exposure in these environments. It’s why we do Pack in the Park: to get that exposure in a way that is as controlled as we can make it. Of course, I have no control over the other people frequenting the park with their dogs.

So far, it hasn’t been a problem. When an off leash dog is nearby they’ve either been under control of the owner or they’ll run off when I yell at them. Usually owners apologize and grab their dogs. Today was the first time I had an owner walking by with an off leash dog that outright refused to leash her dog.

Today’s Pack in the Park had only one owner and dog. It rained heavily this morning and I think that kept most people away, but it had cleared off just enough and for just long enough for us to meet at the park. The owner told me her dog’s incredible story. She was born blind and spent most of her life blind until quite recently when the owner was able to fundraise enough to get her dog the surgery she needed to 100% restore her sight. Can you imagine being blind and then suddenly regaining your sight? Everything would be so overwhelming. She was a bit of a skittish dog who you can tell was overwhelmed easily and certain things (like a person reaching to pet her head) really freaked her out because they were brand new experiences to her. To keep with the anonymity of my blog, let’s call them Jackie (person) and Skye (dog).

I was enjoying the one-on-one with Jackie and getting to know her and her beautiful dog when I saw an off leash dog with a person walking by near the beach. The dog began to approach, so I tried to chase it off. This was not successful at all and frustrated, I called after the owner to leash their dog. It took me a while to realize I knew these two, as she was a ways off and I work with a variety of dogs all the time, it’s hard to always remember them and their owners. She was someone who I had worked with before I began charging for it. She was someone I really liked and I really liked her dog and their story. In the moment though, I was just mad and frustrated.

I used to have a dog aggressive dog in the past. Many times I experienced off leash dogs approaching my dog, I would ask the owners to leash their dog and they’d tell me “oh don’t worry, he’s friendly”. But the problem was, my dog wasn’t friendly. If a fight broke out my dog was the one who would start it. I’d shout back “my dog isn’t friendly!” and 9/10 the owner just didn’t make the connection or understand why I was so upset about their “friendly” dog. I think a lot of my emotional reaction stemmed from those experiences.

The owner got close enough we could speak face-to-face and we exchanged heated words back and forth. Neither person feeling heard or understood with a huge difference in views on the situation. Meanwhile, her dog (let’s call the human Lilly and the dog Fido) was approaching Jackie with our two dogs. Jackie had offered to hold Zelda while I exchanged words with Lilly, and I trusted in that moment that Jackie could handle both dogs as well as that the dogs would get along well enough for her to hold onto both of them. I quickly made that judgement call when I handed her Zelda. Which honestly, thinking back on it, I was putting a huge amount of trust in Jackie, whom I’d pretty well JUST met. We had chatted a bit on messenger before but this was the first time we met in person. I don’t trust my dog with just anyone, especially in a situation such as this. So when I looked over and saw Fido approaching them, my heart jumped. I didn’t want to see anyone get hurt or lasting trauma to any of the dogs.

I ran back to Jackie and the dogs and shoo’d Fido away. For those unaware, I injured my right foot back in June and it’s been a problem ever since. So running after this dog in my husband’s sandals that are way too big for me (because my foot is so swollen I can’t fit it into my shoe) definitely had my foot hurting for the rest of the day. I got Fido to return to his owner and she agreed to talk to me and I agreed to talk to her but only if she put Fido on a leash. She agreed, leashed Fido, and burst into tears. She explained that Fido gets aggressive with other dogs when he’s on leash but not when he’s off leash, and that she wants him to make doggy friends. I tried to explain that Pack in the Park is totally perfect for him then, except he HAS to be on leash and can’t meet the dogs nose-to-nose. I invited her to join us but she told me, “I can’t afford it” to which I replied “it’s free!”. I explained Skye’s situation and that she could be overwhelmed by Fido approaching her. Lilly told me “I had no idea! Why didn’t you say that?” and I told her, “well that’s kind of hard to shout across the park”. We hugged, apologized to each other and Lilly asked me to apologize to Jackie for her, I said come over and talk to her. So she did, she apologized to Jackie herself. I took Zelda back from Jackie and we stood about 6 feet away from each other and discussed the situation. We explained to Lilly that you don’t always know a dog’s story and while you have good intentions with your dog not all dogs feel comfortable with that. “I think the important thing to learn from this is consent,” said Jackie, and I agreed. It’s important to ask the owner if it’s okay for your dog to approach. We also talked about the motives behind our emotional reactions, I explained that I think I may have jumped into panic mode because of my previous experiences with my unfriendly dog. We even talked about key animal control issues in our town and the solutions we’d like to see. By the end of it I told Lilly “look at Fido, look at how relaxed and chill he is. He’s on leash, around other dogs and he’s just chill. This is exactly what he needs.”

Lilly was very thankful and apologized more before she left. I asked her to come to the next Pack in the Park (with Fido on leash) and gave her one of my pamphlets to help her understand a little more what it’s all about.

In a lot of ways, it was a very humbling experience. My anxiety got the best of me at the start. My panic made me respond irrationally and I forgot to use my most generous interpretation. I didn’t recognize Lilly and Fido at first, but regardless, I should be treating all people the same way. You just really don’t know everyone’s situation and I think that, and consent, were the big takeaways from this morning’s experience.

The lesson here that I want all dog owners reading this to walk away with is also that you don’t need face-to-face interactions for your dog to get a lot of social experiences. If you have a dog who needs work on leash then you need to put the work in on leash. If you have a dog who needs more expose, whether it’s with dogs, people or whatever, then you need to get out there and expose your dog but do it slowly and in a stress-free way. We want our dogs to have positive associations with these experiences. We want them to see that it’s no big deal if there’s another dog over there in the park (on or off leash). They don’t NEED to run up to them and meet them. They don’t NEED to play with them. If you want a dog who is comfortable with NOT running up to others then you need to teach them that it’s totally cool if they don’t meet someone. If you want a calm, confident dog then you need to expose them in a way that helps them feel calm and confident. Face-to-face interactions usually don’t create those feelings in most dogs.

When Pack in the Park was over, Jackie told me Zelda was very well behaved and is a well-trained dog. Hearing that was like the cherry on top of the whole experience. We were there for the dogs but I think all of the humans walked away with a lot of growth today.